HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE  POLITICALLY   CORRECT:
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She  is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a  SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY  APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not EASY - She is   HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

4. She is not  DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE   INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5. She has  not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY   ENJOYED COMPANION.

6. She is not an  AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY -  She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

8. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY  FOCUSED.

9. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS -  She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

10. She   does not NAG YOU - She becomes  VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

11. She is not a SLUT -   She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

12. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE  HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

13. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She  is a LOW COST PROVIDER


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE  POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER   GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN  STORAGE
FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is  OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST   ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES  ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING - He is in  FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He  prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS.

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK  - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS -  He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG -  He has SWINE   EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He  is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED